We started the birthday week off with his parent's visiting for a few days. We had a family BBQ over at our house with all kinds of good food. I know DH enjoyed the time with his family as it is not the norm, and enjoyed telling stories which he is quite good at. Following the BBQ with family, we had another BBQ with our dear friends (they're like family to us). They are the best at hospitality and would sincerely give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. It has been such a blessing to have friends like that. When we first moved here we knew only one other family. So to now have friends who you consider as family is a real blessing. Our BBQ ended late with the following day being Memorial Day. on Memorial Day, DH decided to have his celebratory meal at a local Chinese restaurant and treated the family to a movie (something we had hoped to do with his parents while visiting, but it didn't work out). So after the movie we were all tired from such a busy week and headed home for bed.
The rest of the week was pretty uneventful besides the usual chaos of meetings, school, chores, etc. Friday came and we were getting our gear ready for our trip to Yosemite, when a friend of mine texted me that she was starting to have contractions. I didn't think much of it because she hadn't really had "any" contractions to this point, and I figured she still had time.
I kept my phone by the bed in case anything came of it, and we still planned our trip for Yosemite in the early morning. Our alarm went off at 4 am, and we were on the road by 5 am. We were in Stockton when she texted me and said she was headed to the hospital. Her contractions were 8 minutes apart and she was moaning from them. Then I thought, perhaps today is the day! She didn't want us to cancel our Yosemite plans and told me to just go ahead, she would be fine. I knew though, she wanted a VBAC, and knew no one else who had one except me. She also conveyed that she didn't really know anyone who had a natural birth and I had as well. I gave her all kinds of information early on in her pregnancy to give her the confidence and data to support a VBAC but sometimes it's nice to have someone there.
I asked my DH what he wanted to do. My first commitment was to him and his special day. He looked at me and said, "I have a whole year of 40s to celebrate; this is one day and I know she would like you there." I was touched at his caring for this woman and for her birth, and how he was self-less to give up his special day. We turned the car around and he headed to the hospital. He dropped me off at the hospital a little after 7 am where I met my friend in the triage.
She seemed in good spirits and as in most cases her labor had stalled when she entered the hospital. She was smiling and had a great sense of humor (two things women DO NOT have when they are in active labor). I was reservedly optimistic and was trying to think positive for her. The doctor came in and checked her. Sure enough her hind bag of water started to break and she wasn't even dilated. This is not the news you expect to give a woman who entered a hospital wanting to have a VBAC. The doctor said to start her on pitocin, which is usually not advised with VBACs. I tried to hide my concern and kept thinking positively until I couldn't anymore.
During this time, I encouraged her to use the bathroom often, trying to walk as much as she could (she didn't have "open access" to walk because she was on pitocin and had to be monitored at all times). Further she used her birthing ball to sit on and move around with. After about 2 hours on the pitocin she started having harsh contractions. I explained the monitor to them and showed them which was her contractions and which was the baby's heartbeat. Usually natural unmedicated contractions are gradual with a build-up, plateau, and then a decline. With pitocin contractions, it goes from the bottom to the top in no time and sharply comes down with no real indication. This again is not the ideal for a woman who wants a natural childbirth. She decided after 20 minutes of these types of contractions she needed pain medicine. I advised for her to be checked in case she was dilated further that would be a better indication of whether to have an epidural or not. The nurse checked her and said she was dilated only to a 2. Again not the news we were hoping for. The nurse advised pain medicine through the IV and that she would cut back the pitocin drip. After about 30 minutes, my gf seemed to be more at ease and we really took this time to work on relaxation techniques and pressure points. I could tell with each contraction, she was trying the visualization exercises I was giving her, and seemed to be more focused. At around 2:20 she mentioned feeling "wet" and I figured it was from not getting up to go to the bathroom in a while. At 2:40 she was in a fair amount of pain and wanted an epidural. I knew that her nurse was going off shift at 3 pm and would be in to check on her before leaving. I suggested to wait for the nurse to come in a few minutes and that was met with a clear, "NO!" So the nurse came in, and checked her and she was completely dilated!! What an amazing thing the body is. To go from a "2" dilation around 12:30 to fully dilated at 2:45. This was the news we needed in order to have a VBAC.
Tears swelled up into my eyes as I knew we were in the clear for the first stage of labor (complete dilation) and now we were onto stage 2....a good stage to be at! At first when she heard she was fully dilated she was relieved that the pain she was feeling was for a real reason, the baby is coming. But then the doubt of how to handle the pain without an epidural also came to mind. She was unsure and didn't know how she was going to have this baby. One of the things that I noticed, when we were doing our visualization exercises, is she took great comfort from prayer. So I suggested she pray during this part of labor and helped her recite the prayer she was most comfortable with that she had said earlier on.
Now I don't know about you, but I can attest that I wasn't saying prayers when I was in transition! I don't remember cursing either, but I know that prayer didn't come to mind at that very moment. Hearing a woman pray as she was transitioning, beginning to push the baby out from within her was a grace filled moment. I saw a confidence come over her at the moment she felt the baby move between her pelvis. She could feel him and knew she could bring him into the world. She was no longer moaning, doubting, or praying out of fear. She was focused, determined, and knew exactly what she had to do. After about 30 minutes of pushing she welcomed her baby boy into the world. As the babies head emerged, he was crying, eyes wide open. He was alert, pink, head could go up, and even sneezed! He was quickly wiped off and placed on her chest where he nuzzled in and stopped crying. His eyes were wide open looking all around moving his head side to side, while on her chest. The medical professional's all raved as to how alert he was, what great color, and amazed that she could have a natural baby.
This was my first coaching experience. I wasn't sure how it would go, and didn't want my expectations to take over what she had envisioned. I remembered the cues from all of the books that I read that stated simply, "If a woman truly wants pain medicine, they will ask for it; if they want comforting and support they will say, help me." When she asked for the pain medicine she got it. She asked for the epidural and though I had reservations about it delaying her labor, leading cause for C-sections, etc. we called for the nurse. When the nurse said she was fully dilated I knew she could have this baby, and could have the baby naturally.
At 3:41 pm, MS was born, fully alert, awake, and knew he wanted his Mommy.
This experience confirmed for me everything I thought about birth and the birthing process. I was most thankful to the hospital staff to give my friend the time to labor without a lot of interruptions; to listen to her needs; and to support her birthing team. I don't understand why 1 out of every 3 women have C-sections. I don't understand the general theory, "once a C-section always a C-section." New guidelines have surfaced about the need to let women labor before having a C-section instead of planned C-sections. Yet so many women opt for a scheduled C-section.
Another thing that I witnessed that helped confirm my passion for the birth process was watching my gf get out of bed less than 2 hours after giving birth going to the bathroom. I know that if she had had an epidural she would have a catheter in still; and if she had a C-section she would still be in recovery or just getting to her room not to be out of bed for several more hours. Further she wasn't loopy on pain med.'s either. She talked coherently and had her usual dry sense of humor in no time. I know that if she had an epidural or a C-section the baby would not have be borne so alert latching on within the first few moments after birth. How come this isn't a factor, or enough of a factor for women to consider? Yes the pain of childbirth is intense, and it hurts, but it is also over relatively quickly when considering the recovery time of a C-section.
I think C-section has it's role in the birth process but I think we have given it a larger role than medically necessary. We have opted for convenience rather than safety more often than not; we disguise this convenience by telling women horror stories about if they decide to go ahead without a C-section this _____________________ will happen (you fill in the blanks).
I had an OB tell me that he wouldn't deliver any babies more than 9 lbs unless by way of C-section because they're head is too big to fit through the pelvis. I know I shattered that misconception by giving birth to a 10 lb 1 oz baby with a head size of 15 in around without any pain medicine. And truth be told he was the easiest birth for me. So the theory that the doctor is always right doesn't hold up either. I think it's important to research, educate, and pray about your decision on how to birth. Equip yourself with people who will support your desires and will stand up for you when you aren't able.
I truly felt honored and blessed to be a part of such an amazing experience. Watching new life enter this world is remarkable especially when it can be a grace filled moment. I pray each and every woman I know having a baby over the next few months can have a grace filled moment with their birth too.
