Sometimes it seems like I am living a movie

It seems as of lately like I am living in a movie. I seem to see things as if I were watching them, rather then living them. I look to the past and seem to connect on the level as if I am watching a movie; I look to the present and feel very much the same way. I don't know when this occurrence took place and have no idea when it will change.

Life overall is good, nothing too troubling to complain about. It has been more stressful then I would like, and filled with way to many things going on yet so little in comparison to what I "normally" do. I feel guilty for not having the boys in art lessons yet, music lessons, and a sports/physical fitness program for M. But overall, I just don't know where I can squeeze another thing in. Another homeschool Mom told me the other day of a martial arts class that is during the day for homeschoolers. At first I wanted to sign the boys up. But after thinking about it, I need that school time with them, and really could benefit from a little less distraction then what we already have.

I am back to making my two week schedule of events. I leave plenty of space in the boxes to add more things with pen or pencil. I never would have imagined my life to be like this, and yet at the same time looking back how else could it not have? I was an overly busy child, so why wouldn't I be a busy adult? I know we have choices and we can choose to stop the roller coaster at anytime, I am just not sure when I want to get off or IF I want to get off? That is the question.

Here's to pondering on the simplicity of life, and what it would be like to not be so busy!

A Beautiful Day

Today six years ago, I gave birth by way of Emergency C-section to my second child. It was a traumatic event for both of us but we both survived. He is such an amazing little boy and is becoming a young man. He is kind and loving especially to his sister and Mother, and has a great sense of humor. His laugh is infectious, and he is a good sport. He is sensitive to others feelings and needs. He knows when I need help and when I need a hug. I love how affectionate he is, and he gives the best hugs!

Here's to a beautiful day celebrating you, Dr. Destructo!!! I am enjoying watching you grow, and learn, and become the very best person you can be. We love you very much!!

God speaking to me through blogs

It has been almost 3 years of blogging and I still have so much to learn. I've found some remarkable and truly inspirational blogs over the course of these past years and found God speaking to me through them. This latest blog post came from Rick Thomas on "pre-forgiveness." It was such an interesting topic, and one that I felt convicted to read since forgiveness is at the core of our Christian faith and one which I grapple with.

The idea of pre-forgiveness is not to forgive the sinner, but instead make things right with God. Usually when we feel slighted, offended, hurt, etc. we focus that pain and hurt on the offender. Instead, Mr. Thomas suggests to make it right with God before addressing the offender. If you are still hurt when addressing the offender then you haven't forgiven them. Indeed a perplexing issue. A part of me has such sadness over some of life's circumstances and when I read over that it reminded me that though my focus and hurt was on the perceived offender, it should really be focused in prayer to God. Mr. Thomas reminded me of the story of Joseph and his brothers and came away with some key aspects of why Joseph was able to reconcile with his brothers. First, he reminded his brothers that what they meant to do to him was to harm and was evil; Second, God doesn't mean to do harm or is evil; third, God's love and good trumps their attempt at evil. Finally the other key thing that I had grappled over and over with was the idea of reconciliation. Sometimes you can't be reconciled. Now in my particular circumstance perhaps not, though in reality the issues behind the need of pre-forgiveness are minor compared to what others were sharing on that blog. Knowing that there are way bigger issues that my perceived hurts was a reminder to me how much I hold onto my own hurts and desires. So I think I finally found my "key" to pre-forgiveness.......being able to see the Grace of God at hand with the circumstances that I am faced with, no longer harboring hurt and sadness towards a perceived offender, and moving on since the offender has no ownership of wrongdoing. In this way I know I am more at peace with life's circumstances and can work towards a more harmonious relationship with my God. I can truly now focus my attention and praise towards all of the graces I have received from this experience and continued experiences, knowing that though harm may have been attempted my God trumps all evil and means for good. I guess it's the epitome phrase of: is the glass half empty or half full? kind of attitude. I choose to see the glass half full. Hopefully tomorrow I can say the same.